Supporting Your Child's Mental Health Struggles

Walking With Them

There is a profound helplessness that comes with loving a child who is struggling with their mental health. It is a grief that few people understand; unless they have lived it. It exists alongside love, hope, fear, guilt, exhaustion, and the persistent belief that somehow, as a parent, you should be able to make it better.

Sometimes their struggle is visible because it is right in front of you, impossible to ignore. It's the changes in their mood, how they act, their relationships, or their ability to cope with daily life. Other times, it remains hidden. They may not want you to know they are suffering. They may not know how to let you in. They may not even understand what they are feeling themselves.

The Grief In Watching Their Mental Health Struggles

So many parents quietly carry the question: "Where did I go wrong?" Often believing we caused their suffering. Whether or not that belief is true, parents hold themselves responsible for it.

Then there are moments when you stop and pause... You look at your child and think "Where did my child go?" As parents we remember who our child was before depression, anxiety, substance use, or other mental health struggles took hold. Parents grieve the loss of the life they imagined for their child and for their family.

Trying To Help

As parents our instinct is to help. You read everything you can find. You talk to whomever you trust or who has walked a similar path. You advocate, manage their appointments, and everything that comes with it. At times it is exhausting; both emotionally and mentally.

You find them help, you support the tough decisions, accept their choices even when those choices break your heart and harm the family. Parents may find themselves blamed or pushed away by the very child they are trying so desperately to help. Many continue to try to help over and over but are met with resistance, anger, or rejection.

The heartbreaking reality is that sometimes a child or an adult child is not ready to accept help.

The Hidden Impact on the Entire Family

Parents hold not only their own emotional pain, but also the weight of what has been damaged along the way: relationships, trust, finances, family dynamics, and the vision they once had for their family. These losses do not simply disappear when a crisis passes.

Meanwhile, siblings often witness the impact of the struggle on the entire family system, carrying their own grief, confusion, resentment, or fear. They see the hurt caused and sometimes do everything that they can to not cause their parents any added stress.

Siblings may need someone to talk to about all that they've witnessed and what they are feeling. Sometimes, they too keep their feelings hidden. Siblings may not know what they are feeling and those feelings can impact other areas of their lives.

The Scary Part of Letting Go

And sometimes, after all of that, you have to make the scariest decision, the only choice that is left.

To let go.

Not because the love is gone.

But because holding on is no longer sustainable for you, your partner, for your other children, or for the life that still needs to be lived. It is one of the most painful decisions a parent can make.

For parents, letting go is not giving up. It is knowing when to pause. Knowing when you have reached the edge of what you can carry and stepping back long enough to breathe. That is not selfish. Your family needs you to be present and so do you. This heaviness takes its toll. Therapy can help you let go of the letting go.